Monday, Apr 10 - 10:47 PM
It's hard to be rejected. It used to bother me more than it does now. When I was a kid, I knew all too well how my parents expected me to act on just about everything. If I crossed them and did the wrong thing, I knew I was in deep do-do!
As a result, I behaved myself and was a good girl. I grew up making decisions based on elements outside myself. I was a person to comply to my environment based on what others thought instead of what I thought because I sure didn't want to be rejected by anyone.
It has taken a long time to get over this approach to living my life. So often, because I would make decisions outside myself instead of from within myself, I would become victim to circumstances that were not what I wanted to experience.
That really stinks when I think about it, but I did it. At least now I am aware of it so I can make different choices. That is the first step to change/Awareness. Then I had to acknowledge the fact I was doing this far too often and then I accepted my short-comings and now I am activating a new approach.
I slip back to my old habit patterns once in a while, but for the most part, I am doing it differently. What I am experiencing now is more freedom. I have more freedom because I don't as often find myself in those places that are so uncomfortable as before--places I don't want to be.
I intend to stop giving my Power away and stand on my own two feet!
Remembering the Learnings!
It is important to make decisions from within my intrinsic self and not by something outside of me. It is a great way to eliminate unecessary pain. Fear not rejection. That happens to be someone else's opinion that probably is not near as important as my own.
Thursday, Apr 13 - 12:07 AM
I was so concerned about my excessive weight when I went tobed that I decided to listen to some weight management visualization tapes byOrbin.
Just before I started to listen I just got so angry at thoseparts of me that insist on keeping the weight on. Man I was spittin' nails. For a person that seldom gets angry, I was totally pissed off. So, I started yelling at the parts, whatever/whoever they were likedemons inside of me or SOMETHING who has a hold on me. I don't like to identify demons in my space either, but for a lack of a better word, that'swhat came up.
Now, I know that something is me, but what part of me? I just couldn't figure it out so I startedyelling at them, whatever they were and said, "Get the Hell out of mybody, you demons or whatever you are, because I have had it with you. You are a royal pain in the butt! So getout! I am done with this!"
Well, needless to say I was getting somebody's attention ifit was only me talking to the parts of me. It was like look out, here she comes!!
So, I had made my demands and then proceeded to listen tothe tape which is excellent on visualization. It is saying eat the highest vibrational foods, most energetic foodsetc. which simply means, don't eat any of the junk--it's deadfood anyway so what good is it? Madesense to me and I fell asleep listening
So, what does that mean---denial because I fell asleep? Sometimes, yes; this time no (in myopinion--of course I could be wrong, Ha! Well, I hung in there. I woke up3 hours later and the tape was still running so I was awake to hearthe second side which is all about inviting that part of me that is causing theproblem into a meadow in a nice sunny environment and talking with that part ofme. I was asked to identify her appearance too.
Interesting enough, she was very small, dressed poorly, somewhatugly, old and sort of weak looking. Itold her I didn't need her help anymore and to leave it alone.
I identified her as my persecution part whose sole missionwas to protect me from any persecution or hurt. I already knew weight is often related to a high need forprotection. I am not in the mood to gointo this right now, but I will revisit this later.
Actually, I think when I talked to her I was still half madat her so it really never occurred to me how she might be feeling and I went to sleep. It was like I had had it!
Boy, what a night--battling the elements AGAIN!
Remembering the Learnings:
Well, my conclusion is that whatever is going on I must be responsiblefor this mess so own up to it. I ownedup to it all right--I slept it off which means I still have more work to dohere.
My daddy always says, "Sandy, you don't have to build Rome over night." Good advice--so I'll be back on this one.
At the very least, I was getting closer to the source of the problem. I know itis important to get to the core of things or you won't really resolve them permanently. Anything else is a temporary fix.
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