Sunday, Jun 18 - 07:15 PM
Well, life is good and I am being good to myself. I figure if I take better care of me, there will be more of me available and available longer to care for the people I care about. So, I am learning how taking better care of me is NOT a selfish thing to do. I have to wonder why it took me so long to get that one.
I swear I think that women, mothers, females in particular over nurture to their own detriment and then when they’re exhausted, they can’t nurture as much as they would like and they don’t know what the problem was. Sometimes, they are not using discernment in their care giving and sometimes it’s a very high price to pay. Well, guess I’ll have to think about this one some more, too. Am thinking. . . . . . .
Monday, Jun 19 - 01:00 PM
It absolutely amazes me how long it takes to transform oneself even when you’re serious about it, paying attention to life and really want to accomplish that. I find that it is not easy to do to say the very least.
I spent the weekend digging into boxes that have never been processed since I moved 10 years ago. I have found notes, journals, tapes, records and all kinds of stuff to remind me of the consistency of my being, my behavior and the way I look at things.
Some things that I thought I had changed still seem to be a concern or something I have wanted to see changed for years and really haven't. Going home to my old hometown and going out to breakfast with the community gang of old friends is just a friendly reminder of what I was like back then. A part of me is still like that and for the most part that is ok with me.
We were talking about life and I told them I left town after high school because I wanted freedom to live "me". I did not want to comply to the rules and regs of the community that were real or imagined, for acceptance. The culture in that environment creates their compliance and expectations to live there accordingly.
I know I have changed, but they don’t know that. It is an interesting thing. I noticed that I dressed a little different so it would make my mother happier. Wow, that’s a statement. You mean I am still doing what she wants me to do instead of what I really want to do? Well, I guess so. That is certainly something to give some thought to.
How many times do I do that around people I care about? How many times do I make decisions based on object referral instead of self-referral which is basing decisions to act from the outside in instead of the inside out?
I really need to do something more about that. I’ll pay attention more to what I am doing then maybe I can catch myself doing that and stop it.
Wednesday, Jun 21 - 06:34 AM
I had this conversation with my son about me basing decisions on potential instead of reality. He observed that about me and shared that with me. I really hadn’t thought that much about it, but he is really right about that.
Sometimes that got me in trouble like working with the wrong people too long when I knew something didn’t feel right, but kept staying with it because of the potential. Like a guy I made an investment with---I didn’t really like him but I thought the potential was there. As it turned out it cost me a whole lot of money. He was dishonest and I didn't catch it in time.
Oprah this last week talked about following that little voice in your mind, that little something that is not much more than a notion or a whisper, but be sure to pay attention to it.
I told my son that in some cases I didn’t really end up doing what I had intended because I made some of those decisions on potential vs reality. He was quite encouraging when he said, “Yes, but look at where you ended up! You have an incredible career, you’re a terrific person, you have 2 great kids with 5 grandchildren—all healthy and happy! That's all pretty good.”
I decided that where I ended up isn’t the key anyway. What is the key is the journey. He helped me see that. It’s called NO REGRETS!
Friday, Jun 23 - 03:17 PM
It has been a reflective week. This is another one of those Energy shifts, but this one is major. It feels like I have put the past really in the past again, but all of a sudden I am no longer afraid of anything.
I feel with that fear load off my shoulders, I can go ahead and drop the weight with ease. All of a sudden I am clear. In fact, I was so motivated by doing things with ease, the one thing I don’t like to do, I did for the whole week and really enjoyed it. I plowed through so much clutter that has been haunting me for years. I just up and did it and got a lot of it out of the way.
I am not only dropping my weight but I am lessening my load of junk and clutter all around my physical space. I know on the first page of the book, Your Invisible Power, it says order is heaven’s first law.
All I can say, my environment is a lot better and I am thinking a whole lot clearer which makes for getting things done in less time and having more fun doing it. Besides, it was a great week to do it because it was stormy and rainy all week long, so I sure didn’t miss anything outside going on in good weather.
What I find I am doing is just doing the important things and leaving the rest go. The details that I used to deal with have just taken a hike. What a relief! I don’t have to think or worry about anything else! Just do it and get it done!
Saturday, Jun 24 - 04:56 PM
On a more spiritual note, I believe that I hit different plateaus that reflect an evolutionary context in which I am living my life. In the whole scheme of things, I am beginning to see that life is rather simple. All we really have to do is live it instead of complicating it so much.
I remember my mother saying that to me once. “Sandy, why don’t you just get up each day and just live it and stop trying so hard to make it work.” Good advice I would have to say. I know I didn’t always just live it. I worried more about living it the right way than just living it. Well, the way I figure it is since that hasn’t panned out so well, I might as well change the name of the game and just get up each day and live it afterall.
It is a lot simpler and I am finding that it is working a whole lot better. When I think too hard about why that is true, I think I could go right back to making it complicated again if I am not careful so I just want to live it and enjoy it. That works for me.
I remember Werner Erhart always said the person who has to know the "why" gets the booby prize. I have to remind myself of that ever so frequently.
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