Sunday, Jul 2 - 01:01 PM
Another thing I read on the net this week with The Daily Guru was that you can give up bad habits the spiritual way. Sounds good to me. In doing so, he said the answer comes in on two different levels. The first way was a new wrinkle for me. It said you must recognize that you are never addicted to the habit, but in fact are addicted to suppressing negative energy, which you fear to face.
I had the same thing told to me 25 years ago when I asked the question, ďWhere is this cleaning fetish coming from?Ē The psychic said you donít like negativity and you keep trying to wash it away. Your attitude toward negativity stinks and you need to realize that it is not a bad thing. It just is what it is.
Reality is the light and the dark, the tide goes in and out, the mountains have valleys, thereís the night and day, the moon the sun, and magnets have both positive and negativity components. Without one or the other, things wonít work. And thatís what I really had to get which means negative is not bad. I just need to accept it and work with it.
Once I got that, the fetish started to dissolve. Sometimes it shows up again, but now it has become like an antenna. Itís like when it comes up, I look around and see whatís not working.
Itís like when someone negative walks into my space, I want to start washing my hands. It is a warning signal and puts me on the alert. It helps me be more aware. I define it, reframe it and move on. Itís no longer a negative. It just is what it is.
Monday, Jul 3 - 04:31 AM
As I was thinking about transforming the weight issue - I realize transforming is a better word than changing somehow. I wanted to revisit the insight: you are never addicted to the habit, but are addicted to suppressing negative energy which you fear to face. In my case, that could include a lot of things. I didnít realize that I lived in an environment where I was afraid to make a mistake. I was motivated to get it exactly right for those people around me which is object referral instead of being motivated from within which is self-referral.
When you do that for years on end, there is a lot of overcoming that has to happen before you find your own inner strength. You can be strong enough which creates an illusion that you are strong. You run your life with this illusion as you donít realize itís an illusion until one day something just isnít working right. Thatís a clue.
If I donít pay attention to those clues, I maintain the illusion. Boy, thatís a bummer! I realize now that in experiencing this kind of negative energy, it turned into a form of suffocation. So guess who needed more weight on me for protection against this hidden illusion---me.
I found that I became angry with this and soon realized that didnít help anything either. I can think back to being afraid of doing things wrong according to "their" standards. It never occurred to me that I could have my own standards. I felt like I had to do their bidding or I feared I would lose something.
I had perceived I would lose the things I liked to do if I didnít do it their way. Forty years is a long time to hang on to that fear. It begins to permeate other things you do until again I noticed certain things werenít working again. Then I would ask the question, what am I to learn from this experience?
When I could figure out the answer, I was back on track again.
Tuesday, Jul 4 - 07:48 PM
I know now that when something isnít working, I ask that question and I am learning a lot just by asking the question. At least the good news is I am paying attention or I wouldnít have enough sense to ask the question. Thatís a good thing. Thatís a Very Good Thing!!
So, every once in a while, I step back and just look at the facts:
For a good part of my life, I was not allowed to be me---thatís that suffocation I was talking about. I have a big picture of a cute skunk framed in my home in the Midwest that says, ď I gotta be me.Ē I love that picture because it was the only thing around to remind me at times what I was here for.
I kept letting outside forces dictate to me who I was. For a bright girl, that was unbelievable to me, but facts are facts. Results donít lie. Another fact is that I can be me now. I can choose anyway I want to be now and I am doing it.
That kind of freedom is almost impossible if you donít learn how to love emí and leave emí if itís not working. I can no longer afford to have in my life forces that are working against who I really am. I can see now that I have done that all my life up until now.
I find that kind of transformation can seem like extreme change.
The fact is, it is extreme if you are at a different level of awareness and you drastically change how you are relating to people. Itís a major change, but thatís what it takes sometimes to get to do on this planet what God intended you to do. Transformation must take place.
Wednesday, Jul 5 - 12:35 PM
Normal people go through adolescence at a normal timeóin their teens. My son did that then and he did that very well. He was a risk taker and scared the living stuff out of me.
My daughter went through it at 21. I went through it just recently. What my dad had to say about it was, ďShe just isnít the girl I raised.Ē I said, ďThank God!Ē
Adolescence is a wonderful thing even though parents go through a living hell when itís happening to them with their kids, but when you realize that healthy kids grow up to be self- sustaining by separating from their parents, that is not a bad thing. It is a good thing.
I believe some kids grow up and leave the nest kicking and screaming. Some leave worrying "are you all right? Is everything ok?" They are so nice they want to make sure their parents are ok. Then there are the kids that grow up, go through adolescent and say, ďWell, Mom and Dad. Thanks for everything. I have to leave now to go find my own way. I appreciate what youíve done for me.Ē And they leave. It is not a big deal. They just leave and go on their way. To me thatís healthy.
I do wish I had done that, but I didnít. I wanted to make sure I was pleasing them way past its time. Sometimes, we carry childhood things into adulthood and donít notice when the change is appropriate. When that happens, things begin to happen that are not right and we donít even get it then. That is what I did.
I didnít notice childhood ideas happening way into my adulthood that needed to change. You want to talk about fault here? It isnít about fault. Everybody involved did the best they could at their level of awareness at the time, including me.
So, when I really GET THAT, and I think I GOT THAT, I bet Iíll drop the weight. Weíll see. I believe itís about hanging on to old stuff that is no longer needed, but it wonít go away as long as I donít really get it. When we get it, it goes away. And until we do, it doesnít.
This fact is why we donít know some things remain the same because we donít realize the ďoffnessĒ in what we do. Until the pain gets great enough, we are too often not willing to change. At least that has been my experience.
Now I have a different vision. I see healthy, sexy and thin. My standards are what I live up to now and not someone elseís and since there are no losses in the universe, there is nothing to fear in that old fear of loss thing. Sandy, get over it!
Thursday, Jul 6 - 04:48 AM
Going back to the bit about giving up my bad habits or perhaps a better word would be off habits the spiritual way:
The Daily Guru said that we are not one whole person. I have thousands of different personalities within me, each trying to be the star of the stage. Each one has the function of making sure I do not look within. The ego is terrified that I will look within and find the Truth.
Even in Emmanuelís Book II by Pat Rodegast and Judith Stanton, Emmanuel says and asks the following: ďWhat does the voice of fear whisper to you?Ē Fear speaks to you in logic and reason. It assumes the language of love itself.
Fear tells you, ďI want to make you safe.Ē Love says, ďYou are safe.Ē I want to reread that book now for about the 7th time because it does take away the fears. As I take away more of the fears, more and more of the weight will go. I just know it. Yippee!
Friday, Jul 7 - 01:53 PM
It goes on to say in the book that fear says, ďGive me something I can rely on.Ē Loving truth says, ďOnly give me this moment.Ē
In the book, it says that fear would walk you on a narrow path promising to take you where you want to go while Love says, ďOpen your arms and fly with me.Ē
It says that every moment of your life you are offered the opportunity to choose---love or fear. I say you can follow the limited or you can follow the unlimited. Fear certainly does limit you.
Then in the book, this was the clincher: Why would fear want to oppose truth? Because truth has the power to transform fear and fear believes it is fighting for its life.
That to me is in part the answer to my weight because that ego part of me is scared to death it is losing its grip on me and the fact is IT IS! So be it! So I have named my Ego. His new name is Ernest. When Ernest is getting out of control, I say, ďErnest, put a lid on it! Just come along for the ride this time, but for Godís sake keep your mouth shut! I am tired of all your crappy fears and I am done with them so sit on it, but donít move or I am going to clobber you!
Yours fears, your controls, your wanting to be sure about everything---screw it. Itís time for us to get on with My Life!
And it IS MY LIFE, you know!!
The way I figure it, Ernest can make it hard for himself or Ernie can get with the program here and go along with it. It no longer matters to me which way he goes because I am going one way no matter what. Itís time!
Saturday, Jul 8 - 10:46 AM
I learned in the book and I donít want to forget that when I declare this for myself that I no longer allow fear to step blatantly all over me; and before me, it will creep up behind me and whisper something reasonable in my ear. So I will be wary of rational thinking and any reasonable supposition just like Pat and Judith said.
I want to give them credit right here and now that all the Emmanuel Books are spectacular for making major transformations in oneís life and I will tell all my friends to go straight to Amazon.com and get them all. They are powerful and have helped me a lot over the years.
Return To Diary Menu