Monday, Jul 31 - 07:27 PM
So help me Father, Mother, God, Supreme Being of the universe above wherever, I am amazed at how inefficient I can be at times! Holy, Moly, what is all this really about? I had a friend this week tell me the following: instead of writing a book from scratch, why don't you go back and find all the e-writings you have done already and half your job is done? It's already in the computer.
I got the significance of that when it was said to me because I was "listening". Then I REALLY GOT the significance of that when I actually did something about that. I started digging into my computer to find more writings that I had created on this one topic clear back to 18 months ago. I had forgotten I had even done it in the first place let alone how powerful the stuff was.
Then I had to ask myself what was I doing in my life over the last 18 months to have forgotten that? I started putting 2 and 2 together to add up to 4 instead of 5 since I had a different focus here on all this. What I am thinking is that when we're not thinking we can be off one number and we could end up on Pluto instead of our destination of Mars.
Of course the fact is we can more often than not think too much and then we create chaos in our life because we are over thinking. I am not in the mood to hit that topic today. That will have to be another day.
One little thing in our thinking can take us to an entirely different place and the place might be a place we really don't want to go and yet if we're there that's really where we want to be and why--simply because we're there.
That's basically what has been happening to me. I have been distracted by a myriad of things and my 2 plus 2 was adding up to 5 instead of 4 because I allowed the distractions to take me off focus and at the same time I lost my vision of my priorities.
I really want to think about this and analyze it a little bit because somewhere in the muddle of my mind there are some answers here as to what I have been doing that is causing my derailment. As I look back, I can see that every time I got going on something I was distracted by agreeing to meet other people's needs and my own needs were not being met.
I actually had myself believing I had to do all those things for all those people because after all it was the right thing to do. I was obligated. These are people I love and care about. That is what you're "suppose to do" right? Guilt would set in if I didn't and on and on.
Garsh darn what a crock! There I go again accommodating everything outside of myself instead of taking care of myself. That just doesn't work in the long run. If I don't take care of myself, who's going to be able to do that for me. "Nobody"'s the answer to that one because they can't live inside me. Everybody in my "out there life" has to be living their life for them and not me.
I have no trouble giving them that privilege. I don't expect that much from them because I do want them to live their life and their dreams for themselves. That's an easy one, so I have to ask myself the question, why is that not that easy for me? Bummer!!!
I want to get that reframed in my head. I can see the handwriting on the wall right now. If I don't, it is going to cause me a great deal of trouble because then 18 months could turn into 18 years of the same behavior and then where would I be? I would be going nowhere fast, that's where I would be. That idea isn't going to work. I am glad I am figuring this all out NOW!
To put something magnificent and wonderful on hold in my life for 18 months for everything and everybody outside of me, that is just not the way to live it. I have known this for a long time but to know better does not necessarily mean to do better.
Unfortunately for human beings, we can know something until the cows come home, but if we don't do something about it, it isn't going to get us to where we want to be. I think I'll go to bed and dream about "where do I want to be?". And then get up and do SOMETHING about it!
Tuesday, Aug 1 - 08:53 PM
I keep learning all over again that keeping my thoughts in the NOW is certainly a healthier way to live. I have been focusing on that and watching my thought patterns and I still get going in the past on mute points which steal away a lot of my productive time - I continue to slip into the future which screams of worry and fears - sometimes that are nothing more than illusions.
I know that thinking in the past and the future are the illusions of the century and yet I still find myself doing that. I know it is hard not to, but it is important that I stay in the now. I have concluded that the only way I will be able to do that is to keep practicing until I get the skill nailed down.
I know I need to be patient with myself and that is not always easy. To help me out, I keep my little hourglass on my desk to remind me that the sand in the bottom represents the past and the sand in the top is the future but the real power is to focus on the sand going through the middle, being present in the moment. That is the key point for me to focus on. The hourglass helps me to do it.
Another thing I use quite often is my 1-inch square of marble. I wrote cleanslate on the marble as a reminder that when my mind can not forget something in the past, I can just cleanslate it. I will say cleanslate several times just to get rid of the thought patterns that are interfering with me moving things ahead.
I am grateful that I am getting better at this and I know it will continue to get better and better for me.
Wednesday, Aug 2 - 09:12 PM
I watched the Super Bowl and found myself getting so sentimental that tears were rolling down my face. It happened when they introduced the vets from the past that served our country by fighting for our freedom. Many people were represented and it did my heart good to see it happening. Living in freedom is such a privilege that I hope for the day that every American feels that privilege and acts like it. We have a whole lot to be grateful for here and around the world.
It seems like life in America was a lot easier years ago. I believe it true that less is more. I find that simplifying my life gives me more space to do more worthwhile things and more people benefit including myself from that idea. I certainly am a lot more peaceful and comfortable with the whole idea.
Opportunities come up that in the past, I wouldnít have the time to do. Itís like right now, I am co-authoring an article in a collaborative effort along with my competitors, with a client and their university colleagues on virtual teaming relative to communications and their results effectiveness.
It is fun for me to do things like this project that are worthwhile and end up contributing to people in many different ways. While I never plan to retire, I think people who retire would live longer if they retired from their jobs but never retired from contributing to a worthy cause somewhere. I believe they would feel better sharing themselves and their talents with others. It would keep them out of depression and help them to be younger longer and enjoy life a whole lot more.
Thursday, Aug 3 - 10:00 PM
I like what Rume says, ďThis is now. Now is. Donít postpone till then. Seat yourself next to your joy and have your awakened soul pour wine.Ē Thatís what I want is joy. I see it happening a lot lately. I am finding that what I focus on IS.
So I have decided I had better be an observer of my own self and see whatís going on. It is an interesting concept and what I am finding is that I am much more conscious instead of running on auto-pilot. Since I am noticing what is going on, I find a lot more is going on. I find that in making a point to notice life, I am living more fulfilled.
When I appreciate what is happening and donít fill my mind with what isnít happening or what I didnít get done, I am living much more fulfilled, thus, more joy.
I have heard it said that happiness is an upfront decision and I believe joy is happiness taken to a higher level. So, I have decided to go for joy. Why not? That makes a lot of good sense to me.
I have a calendar from a friend here and it says Confucius said, ďEverything has its beauty but not everyone sees it.Ē When I got up this morning, I was having a harder time seeing the beauty in things. Then a hummingbird showed up and somehow in seeing the beauty of that hummingbird, I snapped out of it and saw the beauty in what I do have here instead of not recognizing it.
Well, life is such a tapestry of mixed up pictures. I donít think that it is life that has mixed up pictures. I believe it is the person looking at life that has the mixed up parts of themselves that they have to deal with all of the time. I intend to keep looking at all the good. Joy is fast becoming my middle name. And so it is!
Friday, Aug 4 - 09:49 PM
I just remembered something that I was told over and over again as a kid. I was told to count my lucky stars. I never thought much about that and what it really meant until right now because this morning I have been listening to a Healing Harmony CD that a friend gave me and it put me in such a peaceful state that I just sat here and started adding up all the wonderful things in my life.
I guess I was sitting here counting my lucky stars. For me they were many and I began to have an appreciation jam session over it. It was fun to reflect and count so many things. How fortunate I am and yet I donít always feel fortunate for reasons that are unknown to me right at the moment.
I think it all has something to do with having a right attitude. I can look at every element in my life and depending on my attitude, I can look at it in a positive or a negative way. I know the right way is to look at the positive side of it all. I can do that.
I seem to go through stages with this. Sometimes I am really on the money with the positive attitude stuff and then all of a sudden I get real cynical. I donít know what that is about. Maybe there is something between overly positive and being cynical called being realistic. I think it would be good for me to look into that one.
Couple things come to my mind learning about thanking my lucky stars so young. I think it happens a lot that we are taught something and then we donít react to that sometimes until much later, sometimes years later.
I think that would apply when we are teaching others as well. They might not get it until years later either. Patience comes to my mind on that one. Sitting with that idea instead of resisting it seems very appropriate.
When the student is ready the teacher will appear and until the "student" part of a person shows up asking questions on what they need, I just donít think trying to teach them anything is the thing to do.
The other thing I was thinking about was how much easier it seems sometimes to be thinking about what I donít have instead of really getting in touch with what I have in my life that I am grateful for.
If it is true that we become what we think about, I would rather be thinking about all the abundance around me than even given a momentís thought to what hasnít come into my life yet. That might be real important for me to keep in mind. And so it is. .
Saturday, Aug 5 - 07:48 PM
Having fun in life is a precious thing. I know I have worked more than balanced living would allow, but I did it anyway. I know that I wanted to help my kids so much that sometimes I would give them advice when all they really wanted to do was vent, but I did it anyway. I know I have helped others so much that I found out the hard way that they werenít as interested in being as successful as I wanted it for them and I became victim. I know that if there is something going on in my life that I donít like, it is time to change consciousness or get out. I know that when I thought of calling my teachers from years ago to thank them for what they did, I was too busy to pick up the phone and they died before I did it. I know that I would not eat for hours because I wasnít hungry and then I ate everything in sight. I know that I loaned family money when I had no business doing that, but I did it anyway.
All these things I know I know and I would do them anyway. What is "that"? Well, I am thinking about the ďthatĒ. First of all, there is a longer list than these things above but this is all I am in the mood to think about today.
Hereís part of the "that". I know I have learned one heck of a lot messing up doing things the wrong way. So far, for right now anyway, this is what I have learned:
I am having more fun in my life now because I have essentially stopped doing all these things so I guess if doing them was the way I learned my lessons of truth, ok, I guess I can live with "that". The fact is I am still working on learning my lessons in front of the pain because that is what I would rather do.
I know thatís possible because I have been doing that. I listen to other peopleís experiences and I learn from them and don't do the same thing. I hire professionals to help me keep my head on straight. I learn the lessons there to head off more collisions in my life. That works out pretty well and I am having fun with the people I hire to do that for me too.
I know that my life is more balanced now because I donít work on weekends. I had fun this week with that because an old friend was helping me with a project and I said you wonít be hearing from me until Monday and she said, ďWhatís this? You must have a hot date because it couldnít be because you arenít working on a weekend (thatís all she ever knew me for in the past). I was smiling at the email like a Cheshire Cat who swallowed the canary and said, ďIíll never tell!
My daughter and I laugh when she asks me for advice and I ask her permission to give her advice even after she asks for it. We have fun over that.
As far as helping others and wanting more success for them and becoming victim myself in the process, I have it real clear now that there are no victims, only volunteers and I also donít advise them on how to do it better unless I am asked. Sometimes, people just have to learn their lessons the hard way and thatís the only way they are going to get it. I know not to take away that process for them.
For some things like not calling my teachers, I just have to surrender to that and let it go because there is nothing I can do about it now except to not neglect that in the future. The serenity prayer plays a good song when it comes to those kinds of things.
As far as the food goes, I am eating 6 smaller meals a day now and I feel like a million dollars. I am still working on regulating some better sleep patterns - well, we just wonít get into that one right now. :-) I guess there is always something left to do that we could do better at and thatís ok with me. Baby steps in progress ends up in giant steps for change. Yippee!
Return To Diary Menu