Sunday, Aug 6 - 07:46 PM
I was so busy in my mind and at the same time so concerned about what others thought of me that I wasn’t thinking clearly. I talked too much to rationalize my behavior when in fact the truth was I didn’t need to justify myself at all.We never do, but some of us don’t know that.
In my case, I had to answer to my parents and follow the rules to such a degree that I didn’t think for myself.I would put their rules in front of my thinking for myself; therefore, I never really learned to make up my own mind.Once that was in place, if I did anything that was off, I formed the habit of rationalizing because I wanted to make sure in my own mind I did nothing wrong.It was a pattern set in motion in me at a very young age--the one to make sure I made no mistakes.
Boy, what a detour going around Round Robin’s Barn.The good news is while I couldn’t figure this out years ago; I am at least getting it now.Thank God for small favors.
In a month’s training on Core Belief Engineering, we studied rationalization and I knew I rationalized a lot.Even though that was at least 8 years ago, I am just now learning how to be free of that behavior.Sometimes the distance between learning something and applying it can take years to accomplish.At least that’s what I find for me.
I think the dominant key factor in determining how long it will take to apply something is self-esteem.Sound self-esteem is the key that turns the magic lock that opens up the majority of life’s hidden treasures.
It calls the shots.With low self-esteem, we block a lot of life’s magic in our lives.As long as it is not working, we feel the pain and when the pain gets great enough only then are we willing to change.Funny how that works, but that’s how I find it to work for me.
Just like until we get a lesson the universe wants us to learn, it will keep sending us teachers and the lessons seem to consistently get harder the longer it takes us to get it.
That is why I like to think I can pay better attention to my “off” ways and get the lessons I am to learn in front of the pain.That’s one of that good news, bad news sort of things. Sometimes I do learn it early in front of the pain and sometimes I am a snail bumping along not getting it at all. Then the pain comes wham, right in the core of my being. Ouh! That hurts!
Even though it hurts, I thank my higher power for the experience.I believe that all my experiences are my teachers and the results show that I am either listening or I’m not. For either, I am grateful and for being grateful, I am grateful. :-)
Tuesday, Aug 8 - 04:36 PM
I woke up this morning and everything was clearer for me. I know for some reason I will sometimes create my own drama in order to make decisions about things. My pattern has been to be indecisive sometimes because of lack of confidence in my own decision-making ability.
When I create enough drama that appears to be critical, then I could make the decision with my own Power and have confidence because if something is critical then I had to decide. When there seemed to be no more choices, then I could go with it.
I can trace my lack of decision-making ability back to being a kid. The program I had running within myself was that others knew better than I did so I would give my power away to them. All is still fine and it always will be because every small thought form, activity and result is designed for my own Soul growth. I have learned about meditation and that my Higher Self guides my decisions.
It feels good to get in touch with my Higher Self, source my most exquisite choices and decide without drama what I am to do.
Wednesday, Aug 9 - 09:32 PM
Am listening to the Inner Voyage CD
Oh, this world we live in is a world of mind and ego. It is so easy to get into overwhelm with it all because what the mind doesn't think of, the ego will. They both are like throwing sand into the gas line of a smooth running car. The engine stops its journey to the good life. It happens all the time. I listen to the news and I declare to myself I don't need to busy my mind with this information. It just pulls me further away from my own smooth ride.
There seems to be a hum of misery going on that I think is directly related to my mind and ego. Oh, to be free of the mind and the ego without killing it. Our Supreme Being sure gave us a big puzzle to figure out and this week was one of those weeks when I figured it out more than usual. Thank you, Spirit, for your small favors that lead to great things for me!
The world is good and I love to be in it but to be of it sure does get challenging sometimes. Oh, where to start, my mind is racing. It is racing because I truly see the difference of the peace and joy without mind and ego and I, at the same time, experience the treachery of my mind and ego engaged.
These twins are really cagey. They really put on quite a performance. They can scare a person with very little effort, they can create more fear in a person than our being is ready for and they are both relentless. They are very active and determined. They never quit unless I quit them. They are 24/7 whether I am awake or not and they play havoc with what life is suppose to be like for those who choose the path of awakening and enlightenment.
I used to think that the path of awakening and enlightenment was just for the monks and religious orders who live in solitude because they were awakened and enlightened. Now I understand that the reason they live in solitude is because that is the environment that makes it possible for them to live as awakened and enlightened beings.
This is a brain rattling thought for me. I have wondered all these years what exactly do they do all day? I just couldn't imagine the silence and solitude and how boring that might be. Well, little did I know how exciting that can be.
Can you imagine walking out of your business into your life? It is possible to do that while you're alive and you don't have to wait until you leave the planet to do it. What a revelation!
I do it by listening to the whispers of my heart. I do it through my meditations. I listen carefully with the intention and attention necessary to pull that off in the too busy world we live in. I find that when I can shut down my mind and ego, I am more at peace and less distracted.
Then if I want to do business, I get more done in less time. Then when I want to play, I have more time to do it. Either way, work or play happens more balanced because I will talk to those two characters, my mind and my ego, and I tell them to go over there in a chair and park it and stop pestering me.
I don't need their incessant interruptions and I can stay out of fear that way. I know this is going to be a better day because I am not thinking so much. I am letting things happen rather than planning so much to happen. Minor point--major difference. I am less distracted now and I am grateful for that. And so it is.
Thursday, Aug 10 - 03:36 PM
It is important that I make quicker wiser decisions at the gut level. When I know something is coming from a spiritual place, there is my answer. I don’t need as many details to make the decision. Is that the lesson?
When I already knew the outcome from a spiritual place, I did not need to proceed on the call I was on. Listen good now, Sandy; it serves you well.
Is there anything else for me to learn from the experience in the here and now?
Personal note: revamping your whole being is not an easy thing to do but it can be done. When you’re messing with the hardwiring, that’s where it gets tough. This is a blissful day for me. I am sitting in spirit, seeing truth and listening to it for a change.
As I listen to the interview I did, I realize I talk too much. I just don’t listen enough. He told me that 8 years ago, but I didn’t listen to that then either. Some of us are just a bunch of hard heads and that’s what it is all about.
We need to stop, look and listen to what we’re thinking, doing and even having in our life. We have choice and in front of that choice, if we’re not using a Premier Manual in Life to guide us, we can end up in the ditch. It has happened to people when they are living life not hearing truth and hearing junk instead.
The noise in our minds, the noise in our environments, the noise everywhere we go in our existence is running interference with truth and what is best for us.
What lies in front of the noise is self-esteem. You can bet that this gyroscope for life is VERY important. To ignore it by not recognizing it, wearing the rose-colored glasses and not paying attention to life can take us down roads that we wouldn’t even want to visit let alone live in. Been there; done that. I declare the change for me. I am wearing my Me! Me! Me! shirt today! :-)
It is so refreshing to be living in Joy and Bliss today. My intention is to live every day like this and that is possible based on the choices I make in my life in the right here and now.
Thank you, Spirit, for everything! I am here today in front of another lifetime of magnificence and I am thankful that I have another lifetime to live it. This time it is with more recognized wisdom.
Friday, Aug 11 - 07:09 PM
Today I found a tape in a box of tapes to be erased. I thought it was one thing when it was another. As it turned out the tape was an interview that just had the name Melissa on it. I thought it was a Melissa from a meeting we had in 1998, which would be of no value to me today, but this tape was valuable.
I used 33 minutes of the tape to record a telemeeting so that if someone needed the information, I could send it to them. As it turned out, I just happened to listen to the tape right after the meeting just to touch base and much to my surprise, I was getting great advice in March of 98 (which was 7 years ago) on the same challenges I am faced with today, but today I am wiser and can understand it better.
Since I had erased 33 minutes of valuable information, I stopped and asked the question, “What can I learn from this experience?” I paused and it all came to me.
No. 1 The call I was on was not important enough for me to be on it in the first place because I already knew the stuff. Out of fear of loss, I chose to be on the call.
So I gave up 33 valuable minutes of life-changing information for information that I didn’t need.
No. 2 I was not willing to follow my gut to decide to let go of something that held no value for me and replaced the valuable something with the no value. What a choice, but I made it. ):
I know this is the way my Higher Power teaches me. If we’re not getting something especially when we already know it and choose to ignore it, we will have an opportunity to get it through additional frustrating events.
The irony here is that the very thing that I needed to let go of was replacing something else that was valuable to me. If I had let go of it sooner when my intuition already knew the answer, I wouldn’t have lost the precious information to me. I no longer need my mind’s time to tell me what is right when my intuition is quicker and does a better job than my mind.
When I think about all this and in the tape I am getting the same advice that I have been getting this year in my life on the same problem, it makes me wonder what would have happened differently for me in 1995 if I had done it all differently---like not joining that organization.
I could have done my dream then like I am now, but I didn’t. But why? I know why is not a good question because it doesn’t matter. The why question gives us the booby prize and yet we keep asking it. Besides, to forget that all of life is in divine order is like ignoring my Higher Power and ignoring that is NOT a good idea either. Look at what happened to the Israelites!
Wow! What a concept!
Now, I remember in 1993 in July, I asked Jean Houston about my going on the year’s sabbatical and she told me if I didn’t I would have 6 years of a living hell. Did I listen? No. I went right on working my butt off and ended up with a lot of interferences because I just wasn’t listening to Spirit.
Like I said, sometimes, we’re just a bunch of hardheads making it difficult for ourselves. I am still wondering about that. . . . . . I know there is something more for me to learn here.
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