Sunday, Aug 20 - 07:48 PM
I was thinking about some of the things I did in the past that made me successful so I wouldnít be forgetting to do them now to continue to be successful now. The "back then" list was, I knew exactly what I wanted to doófinish high school, go to college, graduate as a teacher, get married, have 2 kids, get a good job, etc.
When I was in process of accomplishing all those things, I did not have to think about what had to be done. I had to get grades in high school to go to college so I studied. It was a no-brainer. The paper in English 101 was due every Saturday morning so it was a no-brainer to get it done Friday night at the latest. Studying for finals had to be done to pass the tests in order to graduate. I always had something that had to be done to take me to the next thing I wanted to accomplish. It was all mapped out.
When I graduated from Purdue, I knew I wanted to find a career that I would enjoy. So, being an education major, I sold the World Book Encyclopedia because I liked selling and I loved education.
When I had 2 kids, there was no question about what had to be done. I was busyóreally busy. Then as a single parent, I was really really busy. I was raising my children and building my own training, consulting business because I loved teaching.
Decisions during this time of my life were almost on automatic because it didnít take a scientific genius to figure out what had to be done and when I looked around, I was the one to do it. No one else was there.
One day, I made a comment to a friend that when the kids were off to college, I will have a lot more time to do the business and it will be interesting to see how much more I get done. She said, ďMaybe!Ē I really didnít know what she meant.
I found out that when I had more time on my hands, I didnít get more done. In some cases, I actually got less done and I found I lost half my motivation. What a fix I had myself in over that one. It took me a while to unravel all that. Some days I am not sure that I have completely unraveled it yet. Interesting isnít it?
I find that sometimes I am not completely sure what I want to be doing so I committed some of my time to volunteer work and as a result of that I get more done in my business and have time for more special things in my life. Itís a good thing. Life is good!
Monday, Aug 21 - 11:06 PM
I am in a really good place and life is good. I think one of the key reasons is that I finally made up my mind about a lot of things that are important to me. I actually decided they are important to me.
I find myself clearing out stuff around me that don't relate to what I want in my life now and I am noticing that I am eliminating a lot of things coming in that don't relate to what I don't want in my life as well.
I think the problem with we humans is we are such creatures of habit.Honestly, sometimes I find myself doing things out of habit and I realize now that some of those things were nothing more than a habit pattern because they no longer have anything to do with what I want in my life now.
Things that come to my mind are things like I am not buying some books now because I haven't read the ones I have. I am not ordering some things online that are related to things I really don't want to do. I have cancelled trips when what I was going to learn has nothing to do with what is important to me today. I have also stayed home because nothing on the agenda was going to teach me anything past what I already knew.
I find that paying more attention to the choices I am making is serving me a whole lot better. I am not wasting as much time on things out of habit that have nothing to do with the now me. It is refreshing and I intend to keep on doing it and so it is.Yippee!!
Tuesday, Aug 22 - 05:28 PM
I feel like I am learning a lot right now. With the commitment to make necessary changes in my life, I find that change itself can often become the challenge even when it is for my own good.
I find that when I am moving the bar in my life that I sometimes donít know exactly what to do or say because I am living with a whole new set of rules. The rules are good. The new focus is good. The desire to change pertinent things is good and all of the above, but it doesnít take away the fears wrapped around those changes.
I am realizing in the process of change that it truly takes courage to change because it is easier to just go back to the same old Consciousness because it is the most familiar. It is actually the most comfortable. I believe that this is one of the most critical pivotal points that people have who really want to change things in their lives.
They donít stay with the change because at some point along the way it is harder to move forward than it is to go back and stay stuck. This very reason alone is one of the main reasons to remain stuck and they wonít move forward then until the pain gets great enough.
I was working in an office this week and I made some comments about my weight - that it was something that I just couldnít seem to get my arms around - dropping the weight I truly wanted to drop.
One of the staff members said she didnít understand that because I eat so well. For just one of many things, I wonít drink soda/havenít had a sip for over a year, I wonít eat candy and snacks with all those overloaded carbs.
We had no time to pursue the conversation so I told her thatís a whole other story and weíll pick up on it where we left off later. I could tell she really wanted to know more about that. So, I let it go for the time being, but I didnít stop thinking about it.
Next week, when I go back, I am sure she will want to pursue the details. As I thought through those details, this is what I realized.
In front of everything else, including the food I eat, I need to love me. When I donít love me totally unconditionally, then I am capable of sabotaging me by eating too much for immediate gratification.
Also, if a part of me perceives needing protection from any kind of criticism or emotional abuse, then I, at a subconscious level, can put on the weight just as a form of protection to keep me safe.
The other one that I have experienced at different times in my life is what I learned from Patricia Sun. She said that sometimes we perceive our life as carrying a lot of responsibility so we need a heavy wagon to carry it on.
I have found these ideas over the years to be accurate at different times in my life so now I just decided to accept me and love me for me right where Iím at, and take one baby step at a time to change the things that need to be changed until they all become second nature to me.
Little things---one day I decided I didnít need any more soda. I started with a single day and added the next day and the next day until I have had none for 16 months now. I donít even miss it. I filled the need with the fact that I love me more and how I feel when I donít drink the stuff as much as I liked it.
I eliminated breads from every direction except the no wheat, no sugar, no yeast bread made by Julian Bakery in Lajolla/Birdrock, CA. Thin sliced, it only has 4 carbs in it and it is delicious.
I really am having a lot of fun creating new ways to play around food. By watching the carbs, and walking a lot, I can drop about .5 of a pound every 3 days. This is not a fast drop, but instead of looking at a 20 pound goal, I am only shooting for 2 and that way I get to count my little successes that add up to a bigger whole.
The fun I had this week around food was that when I was walking the beach I realized that I get to eat whatever I want and that was exciting because in the past it would really make me aggravated when some slim trim beanpole would say, ďOh, I can eat just anything I want.Ē Sometimes all I wanted to do was smack emí because it was a fact that I certainly couldnít eat what I wanted to or I would blow up like an elephant.
I had to wonder where their sensitivity was to keep saying those things in front of people who had a lot more weight on their body. For one thing, I felt it showed some insensitivity and thatís certainly one thing I can do without in my life. Then I would really build up quite a resistance to holding back foods that I really wanted because I was angry about not having the freedom to do that. Freedom happens to be one of my top 5 values so that didnít set right with me.
For the first time in my life this week I just said as clear as crystal that I get to eat whatever I want and that really struck me funny because that was a whole new statement for me. Then I realized it was true because there were so many foods that I no longer want and I donít feel deprived because I REALLY donít want them.
This one concept was probably the most profound discovery about my weight challenges that I had every concluded. It was so simple. The reason I finally got there on this is because I know what foods really make me feel good and instead of depriving myself of not eating at different times, I eat every 2-3 hours so it seems like I am eating all the time which is sending a clear message to my brain I am not deprived and I am not hungry. It has turned into a fun thing for me.
I also know that for whatever I am trying to change in my life it is important to make it into a fun thing because that is the kind of energy it takes sometimes to accomplish the goal.
All in all, this has been a great week because I am learning so much, changing so much for the better and enjoying life a whole lot more. I guess all of that is hard to beat!! Yippee for Me!!! I have been wearing my Pooh Bear and Tigger shirt that says, "Me! Me! Me! I wear it as a reminder that it is ok for me to love myself enough to be good to me and treat me right by eating the things that are good for me because I feel a whole lot better when I do.
Thursday, Aug 24 - 08:13 PM
Today I was thinking about little things that make a big difference. These kinds of things are what I often refer to as a minor point-major difference. It is fun for me to reminisce because I am such a sentimentalist.
I remember when I had a hard time walking, off and on, for over 4 years and didnít know what was going on with me. The good news was that as I would walk up the flight of stairs where I lived, I would only have one leg that was the problem at a time and I could walk up one step, one step so as not to put any pressure on the bad leg knee, which ever one it was for that day.At least my legs didnít both go haywire at the same time.
I know one thing, I began to have the feeling that I don't want any part of any permanent damage and forever pain in my life. There were times when I thought "what if" that were the case. Oh, WOW, I don't want that for me! What can I do about this and I didn't know except I prayed a lot and held the intention to get well.
Ironically enough, I still donít know how to set the timer on my VCR so when I went to bed one night, I wanted to tape a show and it ran out the tape on these paid commercials and later which could have been a day to a year, I finally listened to the tape. In the middle of the tape, there was a Dr. Barefoot who was talking about coral calcium and how a lack of calcium could cause a lot of muscle pain in the legs.
Well, I wasnít taking the calcium I needed to be taking at that time and decided "Hey, what if. . .?" I love ďwhat ifĒ questions because it gets me going out of the box in my thinking.
So, I ran out and got some good calcium and started that day on it. Within 48 hours, I could tell a difference in the pain level and soon after that I began noticing a measurable difference and eventually all the pain was gone. That was a true Blessing and it certainly was worth celebrating! I like to celebrate ďaHa thingsĒ that make me feel good and I find they come along on a frequent basis when that is my intention. I look at that as the Gift of Intention.
About two years after my first discovery about calcium, I had another discovery about calcium that has also served me well. I like Cokes and I like Diet-Rite stuff especially Diet-Rite Cola so I drank it thinking it was helping me on my weight issues. Ha! Little did I know.
One day I started with a nutritionist and she kept telling me about the stuff she absolutely would not put into her body and of course, pop, as we call it in Indiana, is one of them that she would not think of putting an ounce of into her body.
I knew very well that the Cokes etc. were not serving me well. In fact, I kept having a burning sensation going down my throat especially when I drank that stuff and I thought what if it were the pops that were doing that to me. It wasnít enough to get me to stop, but I did consider it.
Even when someone said years ago that Cokes turn nails to rust in a very short time, that didnít have enough impact for me to stop either.
Parallel to what would be better not to eat was the emphasis on the good foods I was eating. I started my morning with E3Live which is a fresh frozen-in-the-fields blue-green algae for healthy living. It is an energy builder and it reinforced my body feeling good. It was healthy, it would bring more alkaline into the body for better balance because the pops were so acidic.
I would get a quick buzz from the Cokes, but then I would crash sometime after I drank them. This idea was obviously not working. It reminds me of Dr. Phil when he is trying to get someone to see what is and is not working for them, he says, ďHowís that workiní for ya?Ē I love that saying and when I am doing something that I know isnít working for me, I will say to myself, ďHowís that working for ya?Ē and with that I am more willing to let something go.
The bonus piece of knowledge on the pops and something I didnít know was the phosphorus in the Cokes etc. takes out the calcium. So, no matter how you look at that, the lack of calcium in my system from both my not taking any tabs AND the phosphorus extracting any that I had built up was causing the pain in my legs.
What I am finding is that pain anywhere is a red flag that says something much bigger is being announced to me with the minor signals and it is time to pay attention to them. I am excited about paying attention to all the little signals in my body. When I pay attention to life like that, I catch little things early that can make a BIG difference later. Well, thereís more, but not today. I think Iíll go take a nap.
Friday, Aug 25 - 09:48 PM
I feel like this is one of those transitions days when I get something that I have tried to get straightened out all my life, but until now, I just couldnít get it. That something is being willing to take charge of my life from the inside of me instead of waiting for the factors on the outside of me to determine what I am going to decide about doing whatever.
That is a lot like answering a person when asked, "How do you feel today?" And you reply, "I don't know; let me check on the weather."
Itís like I have lived much of my life with a delay switch engaged so I was in one sense waiting for the right idea, the right people, the right things to happen, the right way to not let somebody down and the right way whatever outside of me to determine what the right thing was for me to do.
I have known intellectually for years that I get to choose and I had the right to choose, but knowing something and internalizing something are often two different things. I think I have known that one forever and have watched me in that process a lot of the time.
It is encouraging to me to even think that maybe I have more than internalized this concept and might for one of the rare occasions in my life actually apply it to the here and now where I get to choose with no concern for the world outside of me, the guilt I felt about letting people down and a whole raft of other unhealthy attitudes about what really happens when I choose something for me.
I heard something at a church event today that I have heard at least 20 times and that was Nelson Mandela quoting Marianne Williamson when he said, ďWho am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesnít serve the world. Thereís nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wonít feel insecure around you. You were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within you. Itís not just in some of us. It is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As weíre liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.Ē
What is interesting is that I have been right here in this same place emotionally before, but this time there IS something different about it. Not sure what it is, but it is different. The fun part will be to see how creative I can be to implement a new plan of action regarding taking charge of my life, making me the focus of my decisions instead of what ďtheyĒ all want me to do. The "they" means anything or anybody outside of myself. Well, I am just thinking about all these things. Weíll see what happens.
One thing that I learned at the church meeting today is that when I am making decisions for me that supports what I want, I will be able to contribute back more to the other people who are in my life that I care about. As I really see that to be true, then I have the motivation to do things for me without feeling that is being selfish-- -a something that I was taught not to do.
I wonder how many other things I was taught not to do that are healthier than I thought them to be. . . . .. .?
Return To Diary Menu