Sunday, Sep 3 - 05:29 PM
One day I am on top of my game and the next day Iím not. Sometimes I know exactly what I want to do and do it, and other times I donít. Sometimes, everything is going my way and other times it's not. I think I am concluding that that is what life is really all about.
I used to buy into the fact that life was not meant to be a struggle and then I wonder, ďWhat if life is meant to be a struggle and we are meant to learn how to accept it.Ē Life is such a puzzle to be put together. As I go through life, I have my own struggles and through those experiences, I learn how not to get into that particular struggle again.
I am convinced life is made up of lessons. I get excited about learning my lessons of truth. I am a knowledge seeker and there is no doubt about that. ometimes I feel most alive when I am learning new things about many things going on in my life all at the same time.
It makes it fun and life is not a bore when I am learning all these new things. For that I am grateful and life goes on with or without my awareness of it. I try my best to stay alert to things around me, but sometimes I do miss my ques.
I continue to find out what I like and donít like. I donít live life so automatically like I used to. I am really paying attention to things and how I feel about them. How I feel about them is really important to me. By paying attention, I can better eliminate those things that in the past I automatically took for granted and create more in my life that I truly enjoy.
I am actually spending some clock time on noticing what I donít like about things. That is so unusual for me because in the past I would be so positive that if something wasnít working for me, I would do extra effort to make it work for me.
Now, I actually step back and ask myself, ďSelf, do you really want to work that hard at that one, or would you enjoy life more if you just get out of there and not try to do it at all?Ē Itís amazing; I am eliminating more things in my life - eliminating the extra effort because there really are some things that I just flat out donít need in my life. So there you have it. Good for me. You go, girl!
Monday, Sep 4 - 06:02 PM
I am still enjoying building one little incremental piece at a time in the things I want to accomplish. By not being in a hurry, I get to enjoy the journey along the way a whole lot more. I am exercising more so I feel better along this journey. I find that energy begets energy. There is just something stimulating about exercising and, I guess, there always has been. It does make a difference and I feel a whole lot better. There are so many different ways I can do exercises, that I can not possibly be bored in this lifetime doing them.
I have eliminated a lot of carbs in my food intake so I have more energy because of that as well. I am getting about 4 massages a month, so that is changing the cellular structure of my whole body. It is interesting how that works.
Well, at any rate, I feel a whole lot better so I think I am just going to keep up the good work, or is that play?
Tuesday, Sep 5 - 10:54 PM
I am excited to be back home after a month long trip. I just canít seem to travel without getting tired both physically and emotionally. I get tired physically because I pull too many all nighters packing and getting ready to travel. I find for me that getting ready to travel is harder than the trip itself.
I get emotionally tired because I really donít want to be traveling in the first place, but in order to see my family I need to travel. In order to do some business things I want to do, I need to travel. Either way, I find that I get more tired because down deep I donít want to be traveling but I want to accomplish certain things that requires the travel.
I donít like these things that keep me torn on things. I would rather do what I want to do and not what I donít want to do. So, tell me something else thatís new. I think this is the age old problem that humans have sometimes. We want to have our cake and eat it too as it were.
Well, I just have to give this one some more thought. One of these days, Iíll get it figured out and when I do, I might be happier about it.
I am having a great time doing some important volunteer work. I feel like I get more done in my business when I have less time to do it in so the volunteer work seems to create a busier environment for me and the busier I am sometimes the more I get done. I donít know exactly how that works. It just seems like it does.
So life goes on and life is good. I do have a lot to be grateful for and I express that to my Higher Power every day. I truly am grateful for my many many blessings And so it is.
Wednesday, Sep 6 - 04:25 PM
I am learning how to keep my identity in my here and now instead of in the past or future. For many years, I had my story to tell about my past and it was a big part of my identity because I kept telling that story.
I also kept talking about what I wanted to do in the future and I would dream about what that would look like, so I would have to say I had my identity tied up in my future. That became my identity. I kept spending clock time thinking about what I was going to do, that I would think more about doing it than actually doing it.
So, this week, I keep asking myself where am I and am I where I really want to be? I concluded that I must be where I wanted to be or I wouldnít be here. The logical conclusion here is that if we as people are always doing our dominant needs, and I choose to believe that is true, I must be where I truly want to be or I wouldnít be HERE. I would be someplace else because I, like the other members of humanity, am acting out my dominant needs.
Then I thought, well, if all this is true, what do I really want and what am I willing to do about that right now? To live life more fulfilled, I know now I do not have to build Rome over night as my daddy always used to say. So, weíll just build it one little incremental piece at a time and enjoy the journey along the way. That sounds like a really good plan to me. And so it is.
Thursday, Sep 7 - 09:13 PM
I am finding that by deciding what I want in my life with a clear picture of what I want and how good Iíll feel getting there, that I am more energized myself to get there . Between the vision and the feelings that I will feel when I get to where I want to be, I know my subconscious mind thinks I am already there so it complies to whatever I need to be doing to get there. Funny how that works.
I remember when I wanted to win a trip to Washington DC many years ago when I was in high school, I wanted that trip so bad I could taste it. I imagined way before I won the state contest on judging vegetables and the state entomology contest how wonderful I would feel on that trip having won it. I would go to sleep at night thinking about it and I would think about it all day between assignments and tests until one day it was time to go to the contest to win the trips.
I even stayed up until 1:00 a.m. in the morning studying a college text on those insects so I would know for sure what the answers were on the test. It was interesting because I wanted to win so bad, that the question that was the determining factor as to whether I won or not, I had studied in the last 10 minutes of studying after my mother told me to get to bed or I would be too tired to pass the exam at the State Fair.
Having that kind of passion is harder to come by these days, but when I really want something to happen, I go back to what I did so many years ago and am creating that passion again in my life now. I find it is the simplest things that make the difference. And so it is.
Friday, Sep 8 - 05:02 PM
Well, I can see first hand that it is time for me to stop traveling and stay home for a while. It seems that every time I travel, I get exhausted, I may catch a virus or something and it takes me as long to catch up with myself as the trip was long. I donít know exactly why that is unless that is my first clue to stay home more.
So, I think I am going to stay home for a while and catch up with myself. I used to put too much on my plate all the time. Now, I donít do that as much if at all. I find when I give myself more time to breathe, I seem to get more results.
I like the idea of keeping things really simple and I have made a concerted effort to do just that. Less is more and I like to create that space as much as I can. All that makes for less stress and less stress is good. And so it is.
Saturday, Sep 9 - 05:15 PM
I have learned a lot this year about the importance of boundaries, being authentic and making my criteria for living my life very clear to other people who are in my life. I know in the past I tried to be all things to all people and I just got worn out like a fly who is trying to get out of a spider web. After a while, you just give it up.
There was one difference between the fly and me and that was I had a brain, I learned those skills and was willing to struggle through their application and I changed my behavior. Implementing these skills was nothing like I learned growing up and was sometimes confusing since they were not congruent with my old habit patterns.
IT IS HARD TO CHANGE CORE BELIEFS AND OLD HABIT PATTERNS!!! However, when I began to see that what I was doing wasnít working and I kept ending up in the spider web, I decided it was a good idea to change some of those patterns. When the pain gets great enough, I am willing to change and so I did.
I know I still have a ways to go, but thatís ok with me because it is progress in motion sometimes incrementally slow, but that is like taking the first step in a 1000 mile journey. I just had to be willing to take those first steps and it is working. Thank goodness it is working better. I look forward to learning more and that is a good thing!
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