Sunday, May 7 - 12:06 PM
You know those weird things that you think sometimes and you know darn well that if anybody knew what you were thinking, they would think you're crazy. The crazy thing about that is they could be right! Ha!
The way I figure it is if writing about it gets it up and out of my body, then I am ahead of the game and they can think I am as crazy as a loony bird anyway. If they challenge me, I just tell them when appropriate, why don't you tell somebody who cares! That's what Sam always said. Good ol' Sam.
I used to think Sam was a royal pain in the butt, but ya know, the more I think about it, the more I have to respect the implication. At least he was brutally honest about how he felt and that's more than you can say about a lot of people.
I believe that when we walk around not being honest then nobody really knows where they stand. Wouldn't it be nice to have the accurate picture so you only spend time with those people who really love you? I am going to hold that thought for a couple days and see what happens.
Monday, May 8 - 06:49 PM
Anyway, now that we have determined that I am crazy for thinking crazy things and decided to write about them to get them up and out of me, I am not so sure that what I am doing is so crazy after all. I feel much better about all these new things I am learning about. It is actually fun to dig into the truth even though sometimes it hurt because itís about things you really donít want to admit to yourself, but you have to if you really want to grow as a person. So, I am willing.
After all, I have finally declared that I Am My Number 1 Priority and my Pilates instructor really supported me on that one because she has "Make Yourself A Priority" on all her business cards.
Last week, I went to my Heller work technician, Beatrice, and she was working on my legs and asked, whatís this? Well, the whatís this was a bad dog bite behind my right knee. She said tell me about that.
I told her that I walked into the territory of a German Shepard on a loooooong rope and he nailed me. I fell to the ground and the only thing between my face and his teeth was my left arm.
I told her that I said, God, help me and protect me and I started talking to the dog like he was my friend. I told him that I was just going to get up now and that I know I am in your territory and you are the guy in charge, no doubt about it. I am going to get up and leave as soon as I can. Everything is cool and everything is going to be ok.
As I got up, we both remained calm, and as I was walking away he nailed me again but this time he only got my sock. Well, I kept on walking and wasnít feeling so hot and decided to go back to my apartment. As I did that I looked down and my whole pants leg was covered with blood. I knew I had to get to a phone because I was starting to go faint. I called Dixie, she took me to the hospital. They fixed me up and it took a while for me to heal.
So Beatrice said, if you were going to point to the one spot on your body that best represents that experience, show me where that would be and I pointed to my left arm where the dog could have torn me to shreds if I had panicked and moved too fast. She took my arm and just held it----only held it and all of a sudden I started crying like a baby. I cried a lot. There was a lot of emotion locked up in my body right there and I guess it finally was all coming out.
That really taught me a great lesson. I learned first hand that we have an emotional body and a physical body and they go hand in hand. All of a sudden this idea of getting things up and out of me made a lot more sense.
The fact is that the emotion of fear and trauma had locked into that part of my body and was there for 9 years. Boy, you talk about freedom at another level. It felt like I had dropped 5 pounds of weight with that one. What a release it was. Oh, boy, I am tired writing about this already. Gotta let it all go. Gotta let it all go. Gotta let it all go. So, another day in the personal history of learning lifeís lessons came and went. It was a really good day. This was a good one, a great lesson. TYF---Thank You Father!
Tuesday, May 9 - 11:56 AM
I feel like life is exciting right now because I am learning so much. I enjoy getting new information that can make my life better. I have been very reflective in the last few days because all of the changes that are going on in my life.
From all that I can gather, there are such things as Angels. Several people have said a lot of things about them, but one of the funniest things I have ever heard was when Carolyn Myss said in a seminar I attended in The Ozarks that the Angels play dirty. It struck a funny bone with me when she said it and everybody in the audience just howled.
I think she was trying to point out to us that if we donít listen to them and be willing to make some changes, they will pull something on us that helps us to finally get the message by sending us a bigger problem because we werenít listening on the first pass when the lessons were on the easy side.
I remember she told the story of this woman who hated her job and kept complaining about it. She kept saying she really needed to go find another job. She just kept on saying the same old thing. She thought she wanted to look for a job, but she kept putting it off. Since we are always doing our dominant need, she came to realize she really didnít want to do it even though everything in here felt she needed to.
Well, she kept putting it off until finally she got notice, so she no longer had to be indecisive about it. The decision was made for her. She was released from her job.
I came to the conclusion today that the Angels must be trying to tell me something because everywhere I turn this week whether it was a church service or reading a book or an email, the message kept coming up all over the place, ďBe present to the moment.Ē
I am going to get on the ball around here and go to work on that one.
Wednesday, May 10 - 01:18 AM
I am looking at my little hour glass that I bought for my desk. I have used hour glasses for over 25 years as a reminder that in order to optimize my life, it is important to live in the present.
The hour glass is a friendly reminder that it is important to live life right here and right now. I so often spend valuable time in my mind thinking about the past, the future or both. The percentage of time I do that depends on the severity of any of my concerns.
I have listened to people in miserable relationships spend most of their time thinking about the past. After all, isnít it awful what he or she did to me? I remember the day I spent 80%of my time thinking about the past because I was in a terrible situation and I really didnít know what to do about it and I was experiencing a lot of fear wrapped around security and the psychological well being of my family.
Then I remembered when I had to leave the business I was in and I didnít have another business built. Earl Nightingale said it takes 3-5 years to build a business. I didnít have a job for an income and not any foundation built in a business. In that situation, I spent a lot of time thinking and worrying about the future.
Now, I keep the hour glass on my desk to remind me of what is most important. The top part of the hour glass represents the future, the bottom represents the past and the sand going through the middle is about being present to the moment.
I caught myself reacting to a phone call the other day and I caught myself thinking about it after I hung up. Even though it was only moments after it happened that I was thinking about it, I realized that too was thinking about drama, trauma of the past instead of staying in the moment.
I learned a new phrase this week. It is stay with it stay with it stay with it óstay in the present in my head. I kept being pulled off by the trauma, drama. The split second I got sucked back into the aggravation, I simply made my affirmation and I could stay focused on the magnificent present. I couldnít get over how many times I had to say stay with it over and over again to stay out of the thought of the immediate happening, the immediate past.
So help me, I am going to practice this until I get it on automatic pilot. Wouldnít that be something to always be dropping the past out of my thinking that quickly? I know it can be done. I am just going to have to practice it.
Friday, May 12 - 08:12 PM
A beautiful day to be reminded to love oneself and totally unconditionally love oneself and those you care about. Total unconditional love is a little different than loving someone because . . . . . .
I realize that I do love my kids totally unconditionally. It is called total unconditional acceptance. I have told my kids growing up that there was never anything they could ever do that would keep me from loving them. Well, that is a pretty good place to be.
The only way anyone can ever do something like this is to stay out of judgment. You can stay out of judgment by separating what people do from the people themselves.
You can love a child of God, but you won't always like what they do.
Return To Diary Menu